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Cauliflower is traditional!!

—Dan Corrigan, ""Seasonal Beatings""

Seasonal Beatings
Series 07, episode 05
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Episode details
Date aired 24 December 2010
Previous episode Nether Zone
Next episode New Year's Eve

Seasonal Beatings is the fifth episode of series 7 and forty-first overall episode of Peep Show.

Summary

Seasons beat

A sweaty Dobby gets invited to Christmas dinner with the Corrigans.

Jeremy enters Mark's bedroom while the latter is still in bed, albeit reading. It's Christmas morning and Jeremy asks Mark if he received his Christmas stocking at the foot of the bed, which Jeremy placed there at around 5:30 A.M. Jeremy is slightly dismayed that Mark did not seem to reciprocate, but is delighted to find that Mark's "slim but promising" stocking is in the room. Jeremy's gifts eclipse Mark's admittedly "jokey" gifts, and Mark laments that the whole holiday exists to make people feel bad.

Despite finally getting the Christmas tree into the flat, Jeremy is not himself this Christmas, given that his mother Jackie is with her boyfriend Martin on a Mediterranean holiday, not celebrating Christmas at all the traditional way. He remedies this by putting on Classic F.M. While Mark articulates to Jeremy the rest of the cheap gifts he plans on giving his family, he tells Jeremy that he is launching the "Christmas putsch" on his family and this time, he is in charge. As Mark articulates his Gestapo-style Christmas wish list, the boys march into the kitchen to get the oven ready for lunch at 1.

Jeremy decides to play a Christmas joke on Mark by telling him he "thought he was getting the turkey." Mark's boiling rage bubbles to the surface, and he verbally berates Jeremy to a near silence. Mark apologizes for the incident.

Dobby is now over at the flat, very sweaty from her bike ride, and initially planning on a quick visit before seeing her family, but when she receives a phone call that her sister's car has broken down rendering the whole clan stuck at Charnock Richard. She has no intention of going to The Dorchester alone to have Christmas by herself like a "millionaire madwoman." Mark is torn over how to respond, simultaneously not wishing to upset the natural Corrigan order of things by introducing Dobby to his family, while still wanting to be a noble man. Incidentally, Dobby opens her Christmas gift and discovers an identical pair of kitchen tongs to the ones he had gifted to Jeremy moments earlier. (Naturally this is eclipsed by Dobby's gift to him - the Flash Forward DVD box set). Mark claims that he got her gold jewelry which had not yet arrived due to delivery delays. Mark knows he must pull through so he offers to Dobby to have dinner with his family. She excuses herself to the shower.

Dan Corrigan Christmas

Mark's father cuts off his wife from the wine.

Jeremy is preparing the rest of the Christmas feast and it is discovered that the boys only possess two potatoes, which Jeremy says is the "best part." Dobby offers to bring potatoes over from her flat, as she needs to go back to her place to change.

Moments later, Dobby arrives, potatoes in hand. Jeremy, on the phone with his mom finds out she is in Malta and having Salad Nicoise for Christmas. Jeremy says he needs a massive drink. Dobby beings to peel potatoes and says she's excited to meet Mark's parents. Mark nervously tells Dobby that he does not want to reveal yet that they are dating as the "shit sandwich" would be too much to bear. Dobby is offended by this, but stays anyway.

Dobby's arrival is followed by Mark's family, and subsequently, Super Hans.

Sarah tries to hit on Jeremy, given their history of sleeping together, but Jeremy resists her, because he is more interested in Christmas than he is in sex, describing himself as a ”Christmasist”. Mark's father finds many ways to call belittle Mark, and gets him his old shredder for a Christmas present. Mark's mother brings Mark' a cheeky Christmas gift of naughty socks and begins flirting with Super Hans. Frustrated, Dobby begins describing her "horrible boyfriend" to Mark's parents, and Mark is as perturbed as he is impressed that this is Dobby's way of telling him how she really feels. Nobody is immune to Dan Corrigan's charms, as he begins grilling Hans as well. The party descends to near-madness when they start playing Charades, which the Corrigans apparently play to the detriment of the game's spirit and intention.

The evening now moves to the dinner phase, and Jeremy presents his undercooked turkey to the group. Dan Corrigan also notices that there doesn't seem to be crosses at the bottoms of the Brussels sprouts. As tensions begin to rise, Mark realizes that the right thing to do is to just tell his family that Dobby is in fact his girlfriend. He almost gets it right. Things come to a massive standstill when he finds out that there is no cauliflower. When Dobby corrects Mark's father about cauliflower being traditional or non-traditional, he asks Mark to "put a muzzle" on his woman. Dumbfounded, Mark does nothing, which causes Dobby to leave.

Angry with his father, Mark starts putting ham into the shredder calmly, infuriating him even more. When his dad leaves table in a rage, Mark declares the day a "Merry Christmark" and instructs Hans to pour his mother a massive drink, Jeremy to turn on Ratatouille, and for Sarah to crack open the Pictionary.

Trivia

  • This is a "bottle episode" taking place entirely inside Mark and Jez's flat. In The Test and The Party at least one scene took place outside of the flat.
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