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If only I knew the name of any other wine. What's a wine? Is the one Hannibal Lecter drinks real or a joke?

—Jeremy, ""Burgling""

Burgling
Series 05, episode 01
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Episode details
Date aired 2 May 2008
Previous episode Wedding
Next episode Spin War

Burgling is the first episode of series 5 and twenty-fifth overall episode of Peep Show.

Summary[]

Mark is depressed over his breakup with Sophie and is drinking all of the leftover champagne from the ruined wedding. Jeremy suggests Mark go on a double date with him and his old flame Paula (first seen in the episode Warring Factions, where Jeremy and Mark believe her to have cancer). Mark says no at first, but is eventually convinced.

The Northgate

The Northgate, where Mark is stood up by Heather.

When Mark arrives he sees that the friend he is supposed to be on the date with, Heather, is beautiful and also obsessed with history, specifically samurais. Before the date officially begins, Mark asks her if she wants to go to an exclusive samurai exhibit with him and she says yes.

The foursome watches a play at The Rosemary Branch Theatre which Mark and Jeremy think is very boring and definitely inferior to the film, Heat. After the play, Paula tells Jeremy that she asked him on a date to tell him she has chlamydia and that he should be checked for it. Jeremy is relatively unfazed because chlamydia is mostly symptomless and he hasn't had any symptoms.

When they return, they realize their apartment has been burglarized, and a lot of their stuff has been stolen.

When he tells Mark about this, Mark tells him that he needs to inform his ex-girlfriends, including Big Suze, who Jeremy hopes to get back together with. He asks Big Suze to meet up, but when he finds out she and Johnson are over, he realizes he finally has a chance to be with her. He promptly decides not to tell her about the chlamydia.

Ordering the Barolo

Ordering the Barolo.

Meanwhile, Mark waits for Heather to arrive on their second date, but she seemingly stands him up. He runs into her riding her bike, and she tells him that she was biking around his area of town in hopes that she would run into him, because she lost her phone and didn't have his number. He believes her, and she agrees to go to his apartment for a drink. When they get there, they see a teenager stealing some of their stuff and Mark realize he has caught the burglar, back for a repeat performance. Mark asks who he is, and the burglar claims to be here to see "Kenny". Mark subdues the burglar, and calls the police while sitting on him. Heather, is initially impressed but is taken aback that the police won't be able to arrive for forty-five minutes.

Jeremy and Big Suze return to the flat and are apraised of the situation. Mark, Jez, Suze and Heather hold a mock tribunal to determine the fate of the burglar and eventually Mark decides to just leave him out on the freezing-cold balcony until the authorities arrive.

This turns out to be a foolhardy plan, as while Mark and Jez attempt to get cozy with their mates in their respective rooms, the burglar has called all his mates to converge on Apollo House.

When the burglar's mates arrive at the door and start pounding incessantly, Jez sees this as only a massive deterrent to him getting sex from Suze. He selfishly releases the burglar from the balcony telling him that since he is being nice the burglar should see to not coming back to the flat again. Jez realizes that he has been had when the burglar, now bolstered by his four other mates at the front door, backstabs Jeremy by telling the other burglars that he's "got a massive TV."

Sensing commotion outside his room, Mark emerges to find not only new burglars making off with his TV, but that Jeremy has in fact let them in.

Furious, Mark immediately tells Big Suze that Jeremy has chlamydia. Disgusted and hurt, Suze storms off. Jeremy attempts to go after her, but Mark subdues him while sitting on him in the entryway. Jez is loving this.

Heather, who has been observing this train wreck of an evening tells Mark that she's going to head off. He tries to convince her to stay but she insists that they are "not a good fit." She admits to him that she was trying to stand him up and she made up the story about her phone. As a last ditch effort, Mark tells her she's the one before she disappears.

Jeremy, reveling in the fact that he is being sat on by Mark, laments to himself that he is Mark's "one."

Supporting cast[]

Uncredited performers[]

Trivia[]

  • As the thieves are leaving with Mark and Jeremy's TV, one says to Mark "Fuck off, clean-shirt." He is played by the same actor (Sonny Muslim) who played the tormenting little hooligan kid who calls Mark "Clean Shirt" in the first ever episode.
  • Sonny Muslim and Dolly Wells (who play Clean Shirt Boy and Toni’s sister, Paula, respectively) are the two actors tied with the distinction of fourth-largest hiatus gap between Peep Show appearances at 23 episodes.  The actor with the largest gap between appearances playing the same character is Catherine Shepherd (April) at 40 episodes, in second place is Liam Noble (Andy) at 32 episodes, and in third place is Tony Wadham (Pete Preston) at 27 episodes.
  • Changes to apartment: The phone on the strip of wall between the kitchen and the bathroom has changed style from the one seen in series 4, and the switch on the strip of wall between Jez's room and the kitchen has disappeared.
  • The flag of Cuba is pinned upside down in Jez's room (when Mark goes in to speak to Suze); by the very next episode, the flag is oriented correctly.
  • In the apartment, the second row of hooks on the wall by the front door has disappeared.
  • Toni's sister Paula's (Dolly Wells) previous and only other appearance on this show was in the pilot episode, Warring Factions.
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