|Series 05, episode 01|
|Date aired||2 May 2008|
|Next episode||Spin War|
Mark is depressed over his breakup with Sophie and is drinking all of the leftover champagne from the ruined wedding. Jeremy suggests Mark go on a double date with him and his old flame Paula (first seen in the episode Warring Factions, where Jeremy and Mark believe her to have cancer). Mark says no at first, but is eventually convinced.
When Mark arrives he sees that the friend he is supposed to be on the date with, Heather, is beautiful and also obsessed with history, specifically samurais. Before the date officially begins, Mark asks her if she wants to go to an exclusive samurai exhibit with him and she says yes.
The foursome watches a play which Mark and Jeremy think is very boring. After the play, Paula tells Jeremy that she asked him on a date to tell him she has chlamydia and that he should be checked for it. Jeremy is relatively unfazed because chlamydia is mostly symptomless and he hasn't had any symptoms.
When they return, they realize a lot of their stuff has been stolen, and they don't know who did it.
When he tells Mark about this, Mark tells him that he needs to inform his ex-girlfriends, including Big Suze, who Jeremy hopes to get back together with. He asks Big Suze to meet up, but when he finds out she is on a break from her boyfriend Johnson, he realizes he finally has a chance to be with her, and decides not to tell her about the chlamydia.
Meanwhile, Mark waits for Heather to arrive on their second date, but she seemingly stands him up. He runs into her riding her bike, and she tells him that she was biking around his area of town in hopes that she would run into him, because she lost her phone and didn't have his number. He believes her, and she agrees to go to his apartment for a drink. When they get there, they see a teenager stealing some of their stuff and Mark realize he has caught the burglar. He sits on the burglar to impress Heather, but is annoyed that the police won't be able to arrive for forty-five minutes, so he will have to continue sitting on the burglar for all that time.
Jeremy and Big Suze return and Big Suze is clearly put off by the burglar being there, so Mark exiles the burglar to the porch even though it's freezing. Jeremy and Mark end up getting into an argument where Mark sits on Jeremy, much like he sat on the burglar, to try and impress Heather. Heather seems to be increasingly uninterested in Mark. Eventually, she leaves, and Mark tries to convince her to stay. She admits to him that she was trying to stand him up and she made up the story about her phone.
Still angry with Jeremy, Mark tells Big Suze that Jeremy has chlamydia. She is furious and leaves the flat, and the boys are left at home with the burglar. When they find out that the burglar has called all his rough and tough friends to come and get him, they give the burglar to the friends outside the door. The burglar and friends may be the same kids seen in the first episode, calling Mark 'cleanshirt' as a parting shot.